Where Goes My Kokoro?

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Whenever I write anything, introductions tend to be the hardest part. While I pretty much always know where I want to end up, creating the path there is continually the largest struggle. Often times I give in to what I manage to scrape together after the first ten minutes of staring at a blank word document, incessantly typing and deleting my stupid seques that lead to what really matters: My thoughts and opinions.

That’s all There Goes My Kokoro has ever been. What I think about things, presented as neatly and coherently as I can muster, and for the most part, I think it’s worked out pretty well. I never expected anyone to care about what I had say. I started this blog after the simple push someone gave me to become a better writer. “Reading stories makes you a better writer, as sitting in a chair makes you a better furniture maker”—This is the slightly paraphrased simile that I took to heart, and in retrospect, I now know its sentiment rings utterly true.

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I can see how far I’ve progressed as a writer, writing week after week for over an entire year, and so it pains me that I’ve been lacking consistency as of late. I have a profound hatred of excuses, so I’m not going to give one: I am disappointed in myself. It’s been a month without any new posts, and that just feels unacceptable to me. Though I made no promises to anyone about how long this would last, or how often I should be writing here, there’s something in me that wants to keep this blog alive for now.

So, I’m going to rectify this situation, even if I need to work myself up little by little to get back into the swing of things. I’ll probably start with an episodic review series, and then try to find time for the bigger things I’ve had laying in the back of my mind, such as why Kimi no Na Wa would be a better series than a feature length film, and so on.  Hopefully that’ll be of some interest/worth to you, but if not, that’s cool too. In the end, I write primarily for myself.

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I’d be remiss if I failed mention the two great joys I get out doing this blog. One is the feeling of pressing publish, the exquisite self-satisfaction that comes from knowing that I’ve just made something and put it out into the world. I yearn for that completionist sensation, and it means so much to me every time I share something that I can be even a little proud of.

The second pleasure I get comes after, usually in a wave lasting a day or two from when I post. While it definitely sounds like the generic YouTuber saying, I really, REALLY do appreciate when you like and comment. I’m absolutely elated every time I get those WordPress Notification emails, and I quickly ignore whatever I’m doing at the time (for better or worse) to read what you have to say. Even though by now it probably shouldn’t be such a surprise, I’m still always bewildered in the most wonderful way by the mere proof that someone in the world gave my work the time of day. That’s fucking crazy, there’s an infinite number of things you could be doing with your time here on Earth, yet you decided to spend even a tiny bit of it on me. It’s through blogging that I came to understand why Nintendo games always have a “Thanks for Playing” in their end credits: because it means something that you spent even a moment on this. It shows that you care. Willpower isn’t in endless supply, and this is a large part of what has kept me fueled. So, thanks for reading. I hope to see you again soon.

4 thoughts on “Where Goes My Kokoro?

  1. That’s it. The joy of being creators!
    Whether they are games or blog posts, it’s the reassuring feel of being noticed, that you’re not talking to a wall. I love that, too!

    Take your time and I will see you again soon!

    Liked by 1 person

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